ACT 2
SCENE 11
INT. REC CLUB - EVENING
(LEN, TED)
(19:00)
LEN PUTS SALT ON HIS HAND. HE IS FEELING A LITTLE MORE
PHILOSOPHICAL AFTER TWO BEERS AND THREE TEQUILA'S.
LEN
Man like you, you got the right
idea. Like elephants. After a bit
they just say to hell with it and
cruise off by themselves. No
family, no women, no ties. No
women, no cry.
(PUTS SALT ON HIS HAND;
LICKS IT; DOWNS THE
FOURTH)
Especially no women. The thing
between women and men is just a...
it's a qaugmire. It's a stinking
pit that sucks you down.
TED
I didn't know that.
LEN HITS THE LEMON.
LEN
Truth is, men operate better
without women.
TED
Some of us don't really have a
choice.
(BEAT)
It can be a little lonely, you
know.
LEN
What does lonely mean? It means
alone. I'll have another of those
lagers.
TED
Sure.
LEN
Women bring men down. And if you
alone, you don't have the trouble.
(BEAT)
You see what I'm doing? You know
what I'm doing here? You gotto
like, use the difficulty.
TED
Use the difficulty?
LEN
Ja. I'm using the difficulty. I'm
turning a situation to my
advantage. Michael Caine said that.
Use the difficulty.
TED
(BEAT)
Use it to do what?
LEN
Listen, Caine was rehearsing a play
and he couldn't get onto to stage
because the actors were doing this
improvised fight that got a bit
wild. And they threw some furniture
in front of the door. Where Caine
was meant to come in. So the
director asks him where he is. And
he says: I can't get in, cause
there's a chair in the way.
TED
Oh.
(BEAT)
I see.
LEN
And the director says to him: use
the difficulty. If you fall over
the chair, it's funny. If you
struggle with it, it's drama.
(BEAT)
You take an obstacle... and you
turn it into a launch pad.
A LONG SILENCE.
TED
I wonder if I could do that with
Mr. Ferreria. He always says he
can't deliver the chuck on
Wednesday morning because it's too
busy.
(BEAT)
But if he used the difficulty...
maybe... he could drop off a load
here on the way to Stilfontein.
LEN
Exactly.
(BEAT)
Thing about women is, you can't
rely on them. The female animal is
not constant. It says one thing and
it does another. They say they're
happy, they start crying. Say they
can't have sex, it's too
emotional...
(BEAT; GRIM)
Meanwhile.
TED
(LONG BEAT)
Sex can be a very destructive force
you know.
(BEAT)
I haven't had sex since 1984. I
think it was 1984. It was the year
of the Rubicon speech.
(BEAT)
To tell the truth, it's not the sex
I miss. I always thought it was
over-rated. Like one day cricket.
There's too much over-excitement.
(BEAT)
And it leaves the stadium in such a
mess afterwards.
LEN
Mess. A qaugmire. A stinking pit
that sucks you in.
TED
(BEAT)
What?
LEN
The whole thing.
TED
Oh.
(BEAT)
In fact, I don't miss sex at all.
(BEAT)
I just miss having someone that you
can talk to in the evenings.
OUT ON THE SILENCE AS TED THOUGHTFULLY BEGINS TO POLISH SOME
GLASSES.
END OF SCENE 11