IS THE HOLY SPIRIT YOUR FAMILY SPIRIT?

“Come Holy Spirit fill the hearts of your faithful and kindle in them the fire of your love.”

It might be a very personal view, but it seems to me that much of our work in society – not necessarily social work – involves abstract structures and seeing people as items or numbers, or percentages or issues or problems or possibly theological entities. For example with regard to HIV/AIDS and its social impact we hear of percentages of people infected, three women to every man, and we discuss somewhat abstractly how a future society will operate with 3 men for every woman. Will there be a return to polyandry?

How often do we see HIV/AIDS as a terribly human dilemma in which spouses live with the reality of having passed a death sentence on one another. Can we appreciate a mother's distress at knowing, but not necessarily outwardly acknowledging, that her condition is terminal and that she can do nothing but abandon her own helpless children to possible destitution? Without judging everyone can we tolerate a situation where inexcusably irresponsible behaviour continues to spread the infection?

Having just participated in a 2 day Reconciliation workshop it is clear that reconciliation is an essential part of family life. But I still feel frustrated with the prevailing narrow view of gender sensitivity. Everywhere you look women and children are being promoted. Are men being sidelined? Are families as units being disregarded and as communities of love being neglected? Our State President has promised that there will be 50/50 representation of men and women in the SA parliament in the future. Great stuff, but will that result in strengthening of those communities of love that are at the heart of society? The SA Government's family policy currently being developed describes a family as a unit in which people live or care for each other and which is governed by “family rules.” But what about the relationships? Are these men, women and children not still mostly operating within particular familial relationships that are important and have real significance for their personal growth and development. “Every child is my child,” again in the light of the large numbers of AIDS orphans, is an important and valuable concept, but as a mother it is very difficult to convince me of that fact. There is no doubt for me that my own children – and I must admit less so my grandchildren – have a very particular place in my heart and soul that I would find difficult to generalize, no matter how I tried. That is natural, a facet of what family is.

Globalisation, THE economy, THE family, THE Church. Those terms are abstract, dealing with social structures and never touch a heart string. And yet it is the human element that is at the heart of all these structures. Love, in its broadest connotation, sells. Valentine's Day, Mother's and Father's Day etc. have been picked up as commercial gift horses. Women's empowerment, even practicing abstinence before marriage can often be abstract concepts. How can one genuinely promote this without considering the context? If young people have no positive experience, and therefore no perception, of marriage and of sexuality as a powerfully meaningful concept within marriage why should they abstain? In our day not because their elders tell them to. And what can we say to all the unmarried about their sexuality?

The UN Programme on the Family has identified four major trends as a focus for a Framework of Action. Demographic ageing, changes in family structures, increased migration and the HIV/AIDS pandemic. These too, important as they are, are abstract. Franciscans International encourage Franciscans, and hopefully non-Franciscans too, to create their own Framework for Action. Their suggestions to promote and strengthen the unique role of the family as a community of faith and the basic unit of society are much like what we regularly promote: host a reflection on neglected family issues, the meaning of fatherhood for this month, different types of families and a family as a community of faith, but I would add on a pastoral level explore these issues personally too. Migration in Africa is very often the movement of refugees escaping from intolerable conditions into a life of hardship and uncertainty.

A wise mentor of mine told me long ago. When you speak of THE family it is bound to be more abstract. Rather always try to think in terms of FAMILIES, like yours and mine that consist of real people, fathers and youth particularly this month, with real loves and hates, hang-ups and gifts.

Science will always come up against the block of people as people. In spite of what motivational speakers and behavioural scientists might say, the social sciences like sociology and psychology can really only study behaviour and at times predict it. But that unique spiritual and moral phenomenon of free will is, I believe, influenced powerfully by the enigma that is love, a gift and attribute that refuses to be structured or contained and can grow scientifically through osmosis, but quite unscientifically too through affirmation as well as adversity. Surely that love is God's Spirit, a family spirit, manifested in a myriad ways in family life. Come Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of your faithful and kindle in us the fire of your love.

Toni Rowland

SACBC FAMILY LIFE DESK REPORT

It is encouraging to hear from across the country that there is a growing family focus, and attention being paid to various family needs and I'm quite sure that I haven't heard nearly all of what is going on.

Oudtshoorn diocese had a most successful FAMILY RALLY. 3000 people gathered, many spending the night in vigil and a whole range of cultural, spiritual and informational activities were greatly enjoyed. Bishop Adams reportedly said that this 70 th birthday party was the best birthday he ever had.

Cape Town Archdiocese is promoting a RELATIONSHIP GROWTH series beginning with a BASIC PARENTING programme. Sr Suzanne Duncan is willing to share it with others as she has done with Umtata , Port Elizabeth and Oudtshoorn.

Umtata and Witbank have started furthering a diocesan family focus in a number of different ways. Bethlehem is establishing a family life ministry office.

Durban 's annual catechetical festival has adopted the theme “Weaving faith with families.”

The SACBC Natural Family Planning Office has closed, mainly due to a shortage of funds.

PARENTING RESOURCES in Johannesburg and elsewhere in South Africa .

Cape Town Basic Parenting is the 1 st in a series of Relationship Growth programmes.

Boys' Town Common-Sense Parenting.

Tough Love a programme and support group for parents and others who are coping with drug addiction.

Church-related agencies, FAMSA and other non-religious social welfare agencies can offer programmes or groups on request to address particular aspects e.g. the needs of single parents, troubled families.

Others e.g. school counselors, private social workers and psychologists work with individual parents and families.

INTERNATIONAL PARENTING WEBSITES AND NEWSLETTERS

http://www.allaboutfamilies.org/sh/percep200405.html . What is your family's “thing philosophy?”

Some questions to ask about acquisitions. Shall I put in a new carpet just because I don't like the color of the old one? 

Which is more important braces for my child's teeth or a new car?.  

When making decisions ask:

· Do I worry about keeping up with my friends and neighbors?
· Do I want it or do I need it?
· If I put in the extra hours to make the extra money to buy the extra things for my family, will it benefit my family in the long run?
· Will the thing I acquire today make a difference in my life five years from now?
· Will acquiring this thing have a positive or negative effect on relationships?

WORLD COMMUNICATIONS DAY was celebrated on May 23 rd with the theme “ THE MEDIA IN THE FAMILY: A RISK AND A RICHNESS .” In his message the Holy Father reminds us of the power of the word or the media, which are in fact welcomed daily as a familiar guest in our homes. Two dimensions are noted. Families make use of the media and family life is treated in a variety of positive and negative ways by the media. Parents have the responsibility to train their offspring in the “moderate, critical, watchful and prudent use of the media” in the home ( Familiaris Consortio) so that all forms of the media can be a source of enrichment. The full message can be obtained from Zenit or the Vatican website or through a searchengine like www.google.com

“The Media are gifts from God.” The current issue of the children's magazine My Friend focuses on media literacy education. Sr Rose Pacatte asks children to check out their own Media Zone and note just how many media items there are in any home. Even for us parents and other adults that can be a real eye-opener. Imagine a home with no books, newspapers, phone, radio, not even considering the more luxury items such as TV, computer, DVDs etc.

The PCMS is a project of the Daughters of St. Paul. Its focus is to develop and encourage media literacy education for parents and teachers within the context of culture, education and faith formation. http://www.paulinecenterformediastudies.org

SAFM radio is promoting a campaign to get libraries into all the many schools that do not have such a resource. How many books or magazines could we pass on to those less fortunate than ourselves?

publisher@catholic.org tells more about the 2004 Catholic Communication Campaign (CCC) promotional campaign, which kicked-off last month in the US .

RADIO VERITAS – the station that brings you the good news for a change – as South Africa 's only Catholic radio station will be back on air for a month from Pentecost Sunday, 30 th May to 27 th June.

Veritas is broadcasting in Johannesburg on 92.7fm, Durban on 103 fm and Cape Town on 72.9 mw.

It can also be heard on channel 25 on Vivid and channgel 47 on DSTV.

I, Toni Rowland shall be hosting FAMILY MATTERS a new programme on Sunday mornings 10-11am , except on 30th May 9 – 10am . With the support of listeners topics of interest to families will be raised, tossed about and dissected. Sunday 30 th May is of course Pentecost Sunday and with Fr Hyacinth Ennis I will discuss “The Holy Spirit, a Family Spirit?” and much, much more.

JUNE THEMES

FATHERS' DAY – JUNE 20.

FATHERS MATTER. Children with involved, loving fathers are significantly more likely to do well in school, have healthy self-esteem, exhibit empathy and pro-social behavior, and avoid high-risk behaviors such as drug use, truancy, and criminal activity compared to children who have uninvolved fathers.

A Father's Day blessing that can be used in the parish or at home can be found on the Marfam website.

MORE ON FATHERHOOD

A goal of the National Fatherhood Initiative in the USA www.fatherhood.org is to train and educate fathers and agencies about trends and needs around fatherhood. St Joseph 's Covenant Keepers www.dads.org is a Catholic fatherhood movement similar to the Promise Keepers. Find out more about this subject by searching with www.google.com . Are there any such organisations that promote and challenge our society about the father's place in the family in South Africa ? Share with us.

YOUTH DAY JUNE 16

YOUTH MATTER too. In South Africa Youth Day is celebrated on 16 th June. On this day we commemorate particularly the youth of 1976 who acted with conviction and courage and in their own way, began a revolution that led us to celebrate 10 years of democracy now in 2004. Some died, some went into exile, some now rule the country. Their children are the youth of today. We pray for conviction and courage that this new generation may do what is right and just with their lives.

WORLD ENVIRONMENT DAY JUNE 5 TH

THE ENVIRONMENT MATTERS TOO. On World Environment Day 5 th June and other days too. Families can become enviro-friendly for their own sake and FOR THE LOVE OF OUR WORLD for the future. This year the focus is on Seas and Oceans. Visit the UN website www.unep.org and do a further search for all kinds of interesting facts.

WORLD REFUGEE DAY JUNE 20 TH

Along with Father's Day families could consider and pray for all those refugee fathers who have had to leave children behind and refugee children who have left fathers behind.

MOVEMENT OF CONTINUOUS PRAYER FOR MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIFE.

Many parishes have instituted perpetual adoration of the Blessed Sacrament. Continuous prayer for family life can be done before the Blessed Sacrament but also at home, alone or ideally with our family. This movement is built around the mysteries of the Rosary and includes prayers for all the eventualities of family life. There are various ways of doing this. Parishes or groups can choose a day of the month and members an hour of that day. In a simpler format an organization can, through its members offer prayers every day throughout a week or month. Contact us for more details.

SNIPPETS

Honking, dancing and rejoicing in the streets accompanied the announcement that the 2010 Soccer World Cup has been awarded to South Africa . Hopefully the slogan “Love to be there” will not be identified purely with the LoveLife safe sex campaign. We, South Africans would love many tourists to be there, but also would not love too many illegal immigrants to remain, unless by that time there are jobs galore. Job creation, particularly in what has been called the 2 nd economy is a government priority as over 40% unemployment is one of the country's major problems and a great strain on families and relationships. But soccer, the most popular game in the country, can in its own way bring families together. Surely a family that plays together and prays together stays together.

TRINITY FESTIVAL – Braamfontein parish, Johannesburg from 30 th May – 6 th June. Jesus at the movies, song, dance, story telling, Patrick Mynhardt “Bosman” Claerhout exhibition. Tel 339 2826 for info.

Tailpiece – Father's Day specials

After making a few calls at the local hospital, the pastor got on the crowded elevator to head for the lobby. A young man, grinning broadly, was passing around a photograph. Amid appreciative smiles, someone asked for the weight. "Six-and-a-half pounds," the young man exclaimed.
"Congratulations," the pastor interjected. "Boy or girl?"
His grin spread even farther. "Bass," he said.

Bill Jenkins served as a deacon in a very strict, fundamentalist church. Skipping church to play golf would be considered a grave infraction, especially for someone in leadership. But the urge was greater than his ability to resist, and Bill found himself at the golf course on a beautiful sunny Sunday morning.

Nearing the end of a very enjoyable 18 holes of golf, Bill suddenly heard a voice from heaven calling out his name. "You may receive either a blessing or a punishment. Which will it be?" "Well, of course a blessing," Bill answered. "Then you may ask for one blessing, what will it be?" "Oh, I would love, just one time, to get a 'hole in one'".

So Bill teed up, took a few practice swings, and sent the ball soaring toward the next green. To his great delight, the ball bounced at the edge of the green, and slowly rolled to the flag and dropped in." "Thank you, thank you", Bill shouted toward the sky. "Well actually," the voice responded, "You asked for a blessing, but you have received a punishment instead."

"Why? What do you mean?" "Because", intoned the voice, "Who are you going to tell?"

Parenthood is inclusive. There is no father without a mother and no mother without a father.