It might not be very traditional to offer Advent wishes rather than Christmas wishes but as the theme on our family life calendar for December reads “Valuing people as gifts and accepting the reality of HIV/AIDS and our Advent-Christmas booklet reads FAMILIES CHOOSE LIFE

I found the passages below life – giving in a particular way. Some more serious stuff follows later.

In my travels in the last week or so I came across these two passages in homes I was visiting that kind of tickled my fancy as I hope they will yours, in this runup to the most hectic couple of weeks of the year, filled with people and shopping, and fun-in-the-sun or snow for some.

17TH CENTURY NUN’S PRAYER (Apologies to all my nun friends; I believe it is equally applicable to me and anyone else)

Lord, thou knowest better than I know myself that I am growing older and will some day be old. Keep me from the fatal habit of thinking I must say something on every subject and on every occasion. Release me from craving to straighten out everybody’s affairs. Make me thoughtful but not moody; helpful but not bossy. With my vast store of wisdom, it seems a pity not to use it all, but Thou knowest Lord, that I want a few friends at the end.

Keep my mind free from the recital of endless details; give me wings to get to the point. Seal my lips on my aches and pains. They are increasing and love of rehearsing them is becoming sweeter as the years go by. I dare not ask for grace enough to enjoy the tales of other’s pains, but help me to endure them with patience.

I dare not ask for improved memory, but for a growing humility and a lessening cocksureness when my memory seems to clash with the memories of others. Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally I may be mistaken.
Keep me reasonably sweet; I do not want to be a Saint – some of them are so hard to live with – but a sour old person is one of the crowning works of the devil. Give me the ability to see God things in unexpected places, and talents in unexpected people. And give me, Lord the grace to tell them so. AMEN.

(The title of this prayer is traditional; the source unknown)

The 2nd piece I found even more precious.

“May those that love us love us. And those that don’t love us, may God turn their hearts.

And if he don’t turn their hearts may he turn their ankles so we shall know ‘em by their limping.“ A toast used in The White Lion at Radford Semele. 

These snippets contain an Advent, Christmas and New Year wish to you. If the cap fits wear it and may your preparations and your Christmas be blessed both with what you need and with what you desire.

Toni Rowland

MARFAM continues to be busy producing and marketing publications that also link with the work of the SACBC Family Life Desk. The Family Life Calendar has been produced on behalf of the FL Desk. They can still be ordered from us at R100 for 30 and R300 for 100 or R5,00 each for singles. Postage to be added. For posting overseas contact us. 

The No 1 issue of MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIVING magazine will be available in early January. The price will remain at R7,00 per copy as further advertisements are being sought to contribute to the cost. A Lent-Easter booklet is being developed. 

Local Subscription for the year are R100 for 1 copy, R150 for 2, and R200 for 3 copies. For overseas subscribers contact us.

MARFAM WIDOWED MINISTRY

A day of reflection was held in November. As usual it was rewarding for those who participated, some regulars and some new faces. At their request some social contact is being planned and the next widowed day will be held during Lent.

VIENNA NGO COMMITTEE ON THE FAMILY asked for reports on activities around the International Year of the Family. So we responded and we’re proud to see our events noted in their quarterly worldwide newsletter, together with much other newsworthy material. Visit www.viennafamilycommittee.org

SACBC FAMILY LIFE DESK

2005 PLANS

Many plans are afoot, often linking with and building on the pretty calendar we have created for 2005 with its various themes for the months. It can be viewed on the MARFAM website. I append the themes here with a few brief notes that will be developed as the months go by but a pamphlet with suggestions will be available in due course. Listed on the calendar are contact details for the major marriage and family life movements operating in SA.

It is my intention to continue to visit dioceses, regions and parishes as best I can to promote further development of the family focus in Church life and to provide training to parish family ministry teams. The plan is also to develop a basic training manual so that parishes can carry on happily on their own. 

2005 FAMILY LIFE CALENDAR “FAMILIES LOVE LIFE”

January : Children. Love gives life.

February: Marriage. Commitment to love and life.

March: Family. A life of love and reconciliation.

April: Easter. Celebrating new life.

May: Mother-love nurtures life.

June: Father-love supports life.

July: Grandparents. Life and Love across generations.

August: Women and Men. A debate for love and life.

September: Family, life and love. Our heritage to preserve.

October: Family life and love. Our mission to promote.

November: Families Love Life. Till death and beyond.

December: Family Life. A Gift of love. Family love. A Gift for life. 

SUGGESTIONS FOR JANUARY: THEME: Children. Love gives life.

See the regular weekly liturgical reflections on the MARFAM website. Translations of these into vernacular languages will continue in 2005. Contact us to receive these by email or fax. 

New Year is a time for making resolutions. Parents and children could resolve to spend quality time together. The holiday season in SA goes on well into January and schools go back at various times during the month, but many parents have to get back to work and the last weeks of the holidays might be a strain. Communicating, sharing feelings and trying to understand and accept one another helps. A new year brings many new experiences e.g. little ones might be nervous about going to big school for the first time. 

In the parish, when catechists are recommissioned for their important task for the year, parents could also be recommissioned for their even more important task of being primary educators of their children.

Advance note for February: MARRIAGE: a commitment to life and love.

The theme of Marriage was picked up together with the Marriage Encounter idea WORLD MARRIAGE DAY for the 2nd Sunday (nearest to Valentine Day of course). Suggestions for focusing on marriage during that month could be:

Bidding prayers for couples, those preparing for marriage, newly-weds, all married couples, those who have lost a spouse. Also for marriages that are struggling and those that have failed.

An invitation to co-habiting couples to consider the nature of their commitment.

Catechesis around love and marriage for children and youth.

A marriage celebration in the parish on 2nd Sunday. As this is also the 1st Sunday of Lent it could have a penitential focus.

See also website http://wmd.wwme.org

FAMILY FEST 16 April 2005. 

Focolare’s New Families Movement is planning a worldwide celebration that will be televised from various centres around the world, one of them being Johannesburg. From our perspective here it is being planned to make this into a wider family celebration at which other family life movements are also being invited to showcase their work.

Focolare is also hosting the annual Mariapolis in the Vryburg area in December. For information contact 674 5075.

RELATIONSHIP GROWTH – BASIC PARENTING SKILLS

This series of programme initiated in Cape Town is now being adopted in various centres. Training will take place in Johannesburg in February.

RADIO VERITAS – DSTV Audiochannel 71.

This Catholic radio station (that brings you the Good News for a Change) is not broadcasting on fm over the next few months and will close down completely over Christmas. In the mean time regular weekly broadcasts of the programme FAMILY MATTERS continue on Sunday mornings 11 – 12. Phone-ins and topics to be explored are welcome. It is hoped that this programme could become a vehicle for healthy debate on matters pertaining to family life. 

ALPHA – MARRIAGE COURSE

Alpha programmes are running successfully in many Catholic parishes in South Africa. Next year it is planned to introduce the Alpha Marriage programme developed in the UK and which is run along the same lines as Alpha. 

WORLD AIDS DAY – 1st DECEMBER 2005

What can we say that has not already been said? In spite of information campaigns and the roll-out of anti-retrovirals AIDS still continues to ravage the community unabated and its affects on family life are traumatic now and will have long-lasting implications for the future. 

Behaviour is the key factor and the behaviour of the past is now bearing fruit. May the behaviour of our young and not so young, of men and women, these holidays be responsible. As someone remarked by way of a word of advice, “Don’t do anything you wouldn’t want your mother to know about.”

A chosen focus this year is on women and children who are the most vulnerable. But it is behaviour that is as responsible as is possible in the circumstances, supported by everyone else that is required. It is not an occasion to party about or hold a concert, but a day of fast and abstinence is surely rather more appropriate.

A Special Issue of BOSCO-LINK contains a number of articles on the subject of abstinence education for youth. Contact Fr Francois Dufour and his team at boscoypt@iafrica.com. 

PONTIFICAL COUNCIL FOR THE FAMILY

At the recent meeting of the Council the focus was on older married couples mentoring the younger couples. That is or could be the foundation of a whole marriage ministry, from preparing youth and engaged couples to supporting newly-weds through their difficult first years. It would be good to hear where this type of programme is working already.

News from Rome is that a 2nd African Synod is to be convened. Some of the purposes are seen to be the need to evangelize the political structures, and find ways to apply the social doctrine of the Church. Formation of the lay faithful is also a topic frequently mentioned.

It is to be hoped that the context of the majority of the laity, which is the various types of family structures will be kept in mind. The subject of marriage, the decreasing number of marriages in many countries, the recognition by governments of cohabiting unions and same-sex unions as marriage are social problems but also occasions for reflection, catechesis and spiritual formation.

The hierarchy is called on to respond, to make statements. But the laity themselves can write to the press as is advocated by Christianview the South African organisation that acts as watchdog in parliament and elsewhere. They can be visited at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/christianview/

Their most recent report concerns a successful appeal by a lesbian couple to the Appeal Court to have their marriage recognised. A seriously disturbing factor in this type of issue is the way it is promoted by the media as a progressive and a positive step in a human and individual rights culture.

A recent Zenit report on the Pontifical Council for the Laity assembly discusses the role of movements in parish life, but in a non-specific way. One hopes that these include the various family life orientated movements because that is certainly a place where human events do take place.

As the International Year of the Family draws to a close it continues to be a priority to promote marriage as the basic foundation of family life and the family as the first cell of church and society. A priority for everyone.