Editorial: Woman and Family

During August, which in South Africa is Women's month, I generally feel over-sensitive. Is being pro-family necessarily being anti-woman? I don't believe so, but it seems to me that there are many who do, who see family life as restrictive and a burden for a woman. The same doesn't seem to apply to motherhood though, as an uncomfortably high number of women choose motherhood but not marriage.

There is the question of perception. In my perception, a family defined as “an intimate community of life and love bonded together for life by blood, marriage or adoption,” does allow for single parent units to be classed as families, and in our ministry to families I try almost too hard to recognize all types of families. However, it must be said, and said often, that a marriage of a man and woman, committed and fulfilled in their relationship and to the children of that relationship, is still considered to be the optimum environment for nurturing children. Psychologists say so. What the Church says, is that this form of family is God's design, God's plan, a spiritual as well as a natural reality. Ideally, in such an ideal family, (and how many families are really ideal?) the spouses grow and mature as adults in their own male and female personhood, children have identifiable role models and society a semblance of normality. But I acknowledge the fact that ideals are not always achievable. I can also acknowledge the fact that women should not be disadvantaged by their gender and should have equal rights in the various life situations. But to deny the differences which are very real, claiming equality as sameness rather than as complementarity, is doing a disservice to society and to families, which are its smallest and also most vulnerable units.

There is no denying that all types of people live in all types of families, but the right to absolute freedom of expression can only lead to absolute chaos. Women have feminine qualities and have a right and a responsibility to celebrate them, just as men have masculine qualities and have a right and responsibility to celebrate those.

My younger sister very recently and very quickly succumbed to cancer. There was much sadness and grieving at the reunion of almost the whole of both families, and a very meaningful tribute was paid to her by her children and stepchildren. She was mother to us all; she was the one who kept the family together in spite of ups and downs. So they honoured and thanked her for that womanly, motherly role. I hope and pray that women, in their striving for equality in the workplace and marketplace, sportsfields and churches too, will not forget that no matter what else they contribute, their most valuable contribution to society and their families is to be woman, mother and wife. Together with man, father and husband, as this cannot be done alone or in isolation. So why don't we have a family month and get all the cards out on the table? For a family game of course.

Toni Rowland

The Vienna NGO Committee on the Family organised a 10th International Seminar entitled: Civil Society Organisations Networking, Interactive-Internet-Forums - to celebrate the International Day of Families 2004 and to observe the 10 th Anniversary of the International Year of the Family (IYF) in 2004. A special issue of “Families International” is a Report on the Proceedings of the International Seminar and can be downloaded from their website at http://www.viennafamilycommittee.org . They hope that this report, with the input of professionals from academia, international organisations, representatives of government and civil society organisations, will increase the awareness of the possibilities and advantages of interactive dialogue, with the assistance of modern technology, for the well-being of families world-wide, and will welcome your comments and feed-back. Also visit www.un.org/esa/socdev/family/index.html and

www.10yearsIYF.org , http://www.civilsocietynetworks.org

Below is an extract from the report – pages 42-44.

The Centrality of Families in Society and Social Development

As the United Nations Secretary-General stated in his message on the launch of the observance of the tenth anniversary of the International Year of the Family on December 4 th 2003 “families have always been the essential social unit in all societies.” This reiterates the Twenty-fourth Special Session of the General Assembly, Geneva 26 June-1 July 2000) “that the family is the basic unit of society and that it plays a key role in social development and is a strong force of social cohesion and integration.” It would hence seem appropriate to take a family-focused approach to national and international co-operation for social development thus benefiting from partners directly involved in the intricate day-to-day challenges confronting society.

Issues such as:

1. The paradigmatic changes in demographic development, also in developing countries is having long term consequences for society. The United Nations projects that before 2050, 80% of the world population will have below-replacement levels. The concern is not the drop in fertility rates, as such, especially as many of those children would be born into poverty. Of concern is the grade and speed of this development and the capacity of society to deal with its consequences. This fact in synergy with an ageing society leads to,
2. the seriously threatened break down in the intergenerational contract, where one generation guaranteed the economic survival in old age of the other.
3. The HIV/Aids pandemic, which partly wipes out in many countries and regions, the parent or “carer generation”, leaving grandparents to look after their grandchildren, without any rights in this relationship, until they themselves become infirm and need to be cared for by the grandchildren, who are often too young and ill prepared to do so.
4. Ca. 50% of the world population is living in poverty on less than US$2 per day, mainly within a family structure.
5. Increasing migration through conflict, or economic necessities for survival, usually takes place within families.
6. The hunger of humans for knowledge, especially in childhood, youth and early man-and womanhood needs co-ordinated education policies,

are all issues, which go right to the core of the sustainable development of society, and hence would seem to necessitate policies which have a family orientation, in order to address issues of sustainable development comprehensively and holistically.

The challenging changes in society are usually interwoven with paradigmatic changes in families. For many years family issues have been regarded as problematical areas, which needed support, like another charity. Would it not be more meaningful instead, to recognise families as the human capital, wealth and resource of society, which they, without dispute, are, and hence regard families as the medium and motor, to attain true social and sustainable development?

The Chairperson remarked that civil society organisations could, unwittingly, be further perpetuating the view of families issues as another charity, by overly stressing the concept of ‘supporting families', and admonishing the lack of support from some governments, rather than emphasising the concept of how families themselves support and replenish society itself, while at the same time recognising that there are families which also need the support mentioned.

We trust that the tenth anniversary of the International Year of the Family in 2004 will re-emphasise the permanence of family issues as central to the work and programmes of the Commission for Social Development of the United Nations. We further trust and welcome the fact that the General Assembly of the United Nations will give priority to continue funding for family issues within the Secretariat of the United Nations, which is essential to maintaining collaboration and partnership between governments, International and Civil Society Organisations, for the well-being of families, which again is central to the process of social and sustainable development.

PARENTING – A LABOUR OF LOVE, is the theme chosen by the SA Catholic Bishops' Conference Family Life Desk to offer practical support to families during this International Year of the Family. During the month of July a number of workshops and presentations were given in various parts of the country to promote a family focus and family ministry in the dioceses and parishes.

The IYF has been taken seriously by the SA Department of Social Development and a reference group made up of government, private sector, NGO and Faith Based Organisations (FBOs) delegates meets from time to time. It has recently addressed the African Union family policy as well as the SA Family Policy which is being formulated at present. It is hoped that as this policy evolves the important aspect of marriage for the benefit of spouses and children will not be neglected.

PARENTING – A LABOUR OF LOVE – FAITH SHARING BOOKLET

MARFAM on behalf of the Family Life Desk has produced a small booklet containing 6 sessions for faith sharing on various aspects of parenthood, from young to old. All of us in our homes, different prayer or Renew groups, whether we are lay or religious are family people. Some are parents or grandparents; all of us are children of parents.

Reflect on the joy and sadness, the permanence and the insecurity and celebrate God's gift of parenting during this International Year of the Family.

Single copies R7,00 plus postage. Bulk orders of 20 or more, R5,00 each.

The current issue of the magazine MARRIAGE AND FAMILY LIVING , for the month of August, contains an article on WUCWO – the World Union of Catholic Women's Organisations . This international body which started in France in 1910 is open to all Catholic Women's organizations that are recognized by their local bishops' conference and is independent of party politics. At present only two SA movements the CWL and the Sodality of St Anne are members. What does WUCWO provide or ask of its members? “It is a call and a challenge towards mobilizing women's organizations to become actively involved in local needs and projects and these are not only for women's betterment but “members of WUCWO urge individual governments to promote measures designed to uphold and support the family as a unit in their legislation. Job creation, anti-crime measures and education impact on individuals and so on their families.

BOYS' TOWN's new venture, PARENTING NEWSLETTER Support and advice for raising healthy, happy and successful children.

Divorce and kids, chores at home, drug abuse and the power of praise are some of the articles.

“Praising children needs to start during their early years – and never stop! Find something good to comment on every day. There's no better building block for healthy self-esteem than sincere approval – especially from parents.” Contact headoffice@boystownsa.org .

INVITATION - FOCOLARE – WORK OF MARY

An invitation is extended to a one-day congress on the subject

BROTHERHOOD IN SOCIETY, How to build unity in a society in transformation.

There will be presentations, reflections, sharing of life experiences and a video of Chiara Lubich's presentation on “Unity in Diversity.”

The congress will be held at St Catherine's Convent in Florida , Roodepoort , Gauteng .

Public hearings on abortion at SA parliament (3rd August 2004)
Philip Rosenthal will be speaking, on behalf of The Evangelical Alliance of South Africa and presenting a petition on behalf the organisation calling for the repeal of the abortion law. Jeanine McGill will be representing ChristianView Network at 9:15; Doctorsfor Life will present at 16:15; Pregnancy centres will present at 15:15; Prolife South Africa at 10:15; Human Life International at 9:45  Various other organisations will present at different times during the day.
Approximately 400 000 babies have so far been killed under this legislation. A new bill is proposed to allow nurses also to kill babies and to make more hospitals kill babies.  This would increase the number of babies killed, the pressure on pro-life healthworkers to assist in the process and the number of mothers injured by abortion. Please do come if you are nearby in Cape Town . Hearings will take place in the Old Assembly Building in Parliament, Committee Room V454 (4th Floor).
You will have opportunities to talk to parliamentarians and the media during breaks and also give us silent prayer support during the hearings.  Please also pray for us and mobilise others to do so
Philip Rosenthal

A NEW APPROACH TO MARRIAGE ENRICHMENT?

The Family Life dept. organised a Seminar at Bamburi for husbands of the Shanzu Parish on Saturday, 24 th July, 2004 . There was a record turn out of 40 participants from the usual 6 only. The men shared about issues concerning their families, and marriage in general and had Mass later that evening. The same parish will have similar seminars for the wives then later a combined one for both the husbands and their wives.

Report by Victor Nyange: Family Life office. HABARI ZETU CATHOLIC ARCHDIOCESE OF MOMBASA .

No. 157 August 2004

TAILPIECE

Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.
Robert Fulghum

There is no greater happiness than approaching a door at the end of a day knowing someone on the other side of that door is waiting for the sound of your footsteps.
Ronald Reagan