DOES FAMILY MATTER?

Attending a course in Belgium with 17 others from different parts of the world, from Asia, Eastern and Western Europe, one realizes that to us, and the organisers and presenters of the INTAMS Summer School in Marital Spirituality, family does matter very much, and it would seem to others around us hardly at all. So one asks if this situation is a personal reasoned decision or choice or a factor in the inexorable march of society. Much as we so often yearn after the so-called good old days of family values, they were not good old days at all for everyone and many assumptions have been made that may well not be true.
A generation ago “the Church” dressed in western middle-class garb promoted but also took family life for granted. Families just were the back-bone of society and there was not much critical thinking about what family was or what values were upheld.
In the interests of family life and of justice, as many of us moderns now perceive it, what has the Church really done to take on board and promote an egalitarian relationship, the equality of men and women in their sexual relationship and in their family? Most of the change in this respect has come about through pressure from feminist thinking on quite another level. Women were lobbying for a greater role in the Church, in the work-place and society in general and the changing roles in the family could almost be seen as a by-product, one that has brought advantages but also problems, for the women themselves and for the other members of families, husbands, children or older members, as new roles and tasks have to be negotiated and cannot be expected to simply evolve. One professor presented a radically positive view, that for the first time in history, as men and women have the potential of equality, true intimacy is possible. Another topic presented and discussed, that I found particularly important was the concept of Family Citizenship, as opposed to the individualist human rights focus which is enshrined in the SA Constitution and can have the negative consequences that a woman’s right over her own body totally rejects the rights of the father and jeapordises the concept of family. How this would work without being coercive to some remains to be seen but certainly family policies that would take into consideration the needs of a family unit would consider what is best for women and children and men, but in a more holistic manner.
A patriarchal attitude in family life has been supported by the Church structures, not necessarily deliberately as a way of suppressing women and their aspirations, but that was the way society functioned. The Church has usually not been in the forefront of social change, lobbying for change, but reflecting and adapting gradually, or in colloquial terms tagging along behind.
But with a Vatican II mentality one asks “Who is the Church?” For me a most interesting feature on a world-wide level is the growing number of lay theologians, many of them married men and women, who are contributing to the debate and bringing a lay perspective as well as increasingly including their own reflected experience of marriage and family life. For these family does matter and hopefully as their work produces fruits the families of the Church will benefit.
“Marriage, building block or stumbling block?” That was the question the course posed, and yes, sadly and blessedly it could be both in the quest for integrity and fulfillment for every human being. But the scale is steadied and balanced through our ongoing efforts as family life educators and ministers at all levels, from theological schools to pre-schools, homes and households of all kinds because the variety of family types is great and still changing. In the brave new secular world where families live, practise their spirituality and meet God, or their form of the Transcendent or Divine Reality, the ideal of the dedicated couple love of a man and a woman and the patter of little feet would still bring a smile to the face of the God I know.
TONI ROWLAND From Brussels, Belgium.

“MAKING MARRIAGE MORE” the initiative from the SACBC Family Life Desk to focus on marriage from 24th August to a celebration of MARRIAGE DAY on 5th October is well under way. Material for reflection and sharing by the whole community on the sacrament of Matrimony in the Church, liturgical and lesson materials are available from evan@sacbc.org. Faith sharing leaflet in English, Afrikaans, Sotho, Tswana and Zulu is available.